★ #15 • popdependency: taylor swift
one swiftie's self-acceptance era in the afterglow of taylor swift's eras era
Do you feel lost without your fave pop icon? Do you find yourself devising elaborate plans to convert friends and loved ones into fellow fans? Do you spend hundreds of your hard-earned dollars on the cheapest merchandise to ever be produced? If so, you may be Popdependent.
This anonymous survey examines common behaviors and tendencies observed in Popdependency, a toxic yet healing phenomenon that forms the foundation of modern stan culture. Its goal is to reveal the biographical context and inner motivations of our attachments to public figures as well as how their powerful influence impacts our private identities.
🗣️ Are you Popdependent? Submit your anonymous story here.
Taylor Swift
Brooklyn, New York • 26 Years Old
When did you first discover Taylor Swift?
I’ve been with Taylor since debut. I can vividly remember ‘Teardrops On My Guitar’ being one of the first songs that truly impacted me as a child.
How did you become a Swiftie?
The interesting thing about me and Taylor is that I actually was a reluctant fan for many, many years of my life. I was obsessed as a young person and was deeply fascinated by the lore and the personal life drama that Taylor so frequently shared with the world in her music, in her album liners, in her interviews and everything in between. I depended heavily on that Taylor early in high school with songs like ‘Fifteen,’ ‘Never Grow Up,’ ‘Mean,’ and ‘Long Live.’
Tragically, however, I fell victim to not only homophobia and misogyny, but also the mainstream media’s attempt to narrate Taylor as a perpetual victim, manipulator, and overall evil person. So, in 2014, 2015 – I really turned on her despite being an active listener to all of her music, memorizing every word obsessively, watching every video and watching her every move across celebrity gossip websites, like, OhNoTheyDidnt.
I made my entire personality hating her for a very, very long time and genuinely kept this up until 2020. It’s important to note that I did go to the Reputation Stadium Tour during this time and knew every song and had the best time of my entire life.
Anyway, ‘Lover’ came out and I genuinely wanted her to go to prison for her crimes against the LGBTQIA+ community. I almost ended long-term friendships because of how obsessively I chose to hate Taylor. I regularly focused my attention on trying to bring her down in any possible way that I could. I Needed to Calm Down.
Flash forward a few months later and ‘Folklore’ comes out and it felt like I did too. All of the feelings of love and joy I had been suppressing for years and masking as hate were released. I was met with such beautiful music and imagery… and the rest is history!
What was happening in your life then?
We were deep in the throes of a pandemic. I had just recently been broken up with by the first boyfriend that I actually maybe had a crush on, and Taylor Swift announced ‘folklore’ – a collection of songs based on her imagination. At this time in my life, I’m going on six mile long walks every night, eating a (unbeknownst to me) shrooms-laced edible and watching the sunset while listening to music.
On folklore-eve, I chose to listen to Taylor’s early work on my walk and really came to terms with the sort of emotional vulnerability required to write so candidly about relationships the public already had information on. It felt humiliating and embarrassing and raw and real. I was honestly at that time hiding a lot of who I was and what I felt from the world and realizing how Taylor shared herself with the world helped me a lot.
Can you share a story about how Taylor Swift helped you get through a tough time?
Flash forward to December 2020 — I’m in yet another relationship, this time with someone that I’m not interested in long-term. I’m working at an extremely toxic and very taxing company. I’m living at home. I am absolutely having a psychotic break down. On a Sunday, I break up with my boyfriend. It goes horribly. On Monday, I try therapy for the first time. It also doesn’t go that great. On Tuesday and Wednesday, I grapple with the reality of being a bad person, of letting people down, of prioritizing myself over others, of being in someways a villain. On Thursday, Taylor Swift, announces ‘evermore’, the sister album of ‘folklore’ will be released at midnight. My life changed once again.
With the release of ‘evermore,’ it felt like we were getting closer to the surface of who is more than the ‘Bejeweled’ image of who she wanted us to believe she could be. Songs like ‘tis the damn season’ sort of offered me a mirror to myself at this time. She made me feel less alone in my self-inflicted agony. Then came the bonus track titled ‘it’s time to go’ where Taylor sings about that feeling in your gut when you know that something should end. Listening to it, I knew it was time for me to quit my job and I knew it was time for me to move out of my home and I knew it was the correct time for me to break up with my boyfriend. And then I did. And my life changed.
What parts of Taylor Swift’s creative work resonates most with you and why?
Honestly, I know this is insane (and I’m so glad this is anonymous) but I feel as if the sort of pressure that Taylor seems to have undergone in her childhood to be perfect comes through deeply in a lot of her lyricism and the themes of her music. In her Netflix documentary ‘Miss Americana,’ she opens with a discussion on her constant need to be seen as “good” throughout her life. The film focuses on the years of her life following her “cancellation” and the death of her “good girl” reputation. I think all of her work can be underscored by this fear of not being good enough. Songs like ‘mirrorball’ where she sings about doing anything she can to keep her audience looking and laughing at her, hit the hardest for me. She’s never been a natural, all she does is “try, try, try.”
How do you react to criticism of Taylor Swift in the media?
It depends. If it’s for something like her climate criminal private jet records, I think it’s fair and, truly, a little funny.
If it’s something about her genuine personal life, it’s not my business.
If it’s song critiques? They’re wrong.
Can you share your favorite memories related to her?
I took a trip late last year with my best friend to a cabin upstate that we chose because it looked like the cabin where Taylor recorded her Long Pond Studio Sessions. We listened to ‘Red’ on the drive up and talked about Taylor for the entire weekend. A lot of Taylor’s writing is very directorial, she literally directs the mind’s eye with specific descriptive language. This trip felt like it was written and directed by Taylor Swift. We did the things she told us to do. We went to the places she wrote about. We drove on the little town streets she sings about. It was like magic.
What is the most intense act of stanning you’ve ever done?
Probably the above.
If she were here right now, what would you want her to know?
I mull this over a lot. I think someone like Taylor has probably heard every sort of compliment and long-winded personal anecdote in the world and so it feels kind of pointless to put a lot of pressure on what I would say to her. I think I would thank her for her impact on my career. She taught me a lot about self-preservation and documentation at a young age and inspired a lot of my ideas as a kid. I think, in a genuinely scientific way, she fundamentally shaped me. There are parts of me that exist because of her. I’m a disciple.
Finally, what’s the one Taylor Swift track or video every person needs to witness?
Delicate (not the music video). The sentence structure and stanza structure guides listeners to fully step into her point of view in a way that feels historic. Read that first verse and think intentionally about what you visualize when you hear it. That’s directing.
Dive bar on the East Side, where you at?
Phone lights up my nightstand in the black
Come here, you can meet me in the back
Dark jeans and your Nikes, look at you
Oh, damn, never seen that color blue
Just think of the fun things we could do